Fat Toby

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He lives in the hundred acre wood
So anyone would think his life is good
but Toby has a million things to do

‘What’s that noise
a bird or kangaroo?’

He has to be alert to every threat
if he could just chase butterflies
his life would be perfect!

But Toby needs to stand guard day and night

Dingo’s and goanna’s make him run away in fright

Then there’s all those screeching cockatoos

the kookaburra’s laugh at him

Oh what’s a cat to do?

Rats and bats are driving Toby nuts
sometimes he stays up all night
just protecting us!

Toby is a very stressed out cat
And that’s the reason why our Toby’s fat!

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I see a hero

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She, never came back

Left him with four kids
..and a mortgage

She never cared that
it was all they had
She said ‘Sell the house’
’cause I want my share
from this marriage’

He struggled through the pain
drove him half insane
had to start again

..with his offspring

Breaking down car
a fridge on the blink
bills never ending
and no time to think

Up packing lunches
waking four sleepy heads
Then working full time
so they all got fed

Four little tearaway’s
running down the beach
sun streaked hair
and a surfboard each
Sure they were feral
with their mother gone
but when he played guitar
they’d all sing along

Time heals wounds
and a sense of humour helps
the best gift he shared with them
was ‘laugh at yourself’

Now his four grown kids
share the stories of their youth
touching and hilarious
and every one is proof
that what he gave was everything
to get them here today
A hero in my eyes is he
though wrinkled, old and grey

I Am (not Neil Diamond)

Perth is fine
the sun shines most the time
and the feeling is laid back
Palm trees grow and rents are low
but you know, 
I keep thinking about ..
making my way back

I’m Sydney City born and raised
but nowadays,
I’m caught between two shores

Perth is fine but it ain’t home
Sydney’s home but it ain’t mine, no more

I am, I said
to my old man
and he replied ‘I understand’
I am, I cried
I am, said I
And I can’t change the way I feel
how hard I’ve tried

You ever hear the story about the Aussie girl who married a Danish prince
and moved to Denmark?
Well except for the names and a few other changes
if you talk about me,
that story’s my benchmark

But I’ve got an emptiness deep inside
and I’ve tried
but it won’t let me go
and I’m not a girl who likes to swear
but I’ve never cared
for the thought
of settling in one home

I am, I said
to my old man
and he replied ‘I understand’
I am, I cried
I am, said I
And I can’t change the way I am
how hard I’ve tried

Perth is fine
the sun shines most the time
and the feeling is laid back..

Mothertrucker

Finally a long weekend
and guess who has to work

Just like that
I’m on the clock
my boss is such a jerk

Driving in the midday heat
to load this baby up
taking her to god knows where

‘Just throw it on the truck’

Guess it’s just my life these days
you’ll never find me home
some would say it’s meant to be
I always liked to roam

‘Northbound do you copy’
‘There’s cattle on the road’

‘Copy that and thanks Southbound’
‘You have a safe one bro’

Kangaroos and wombats,
cattle…camels too!
It’s like a damn computer game
swerving through a zoo

And then we hit the dirt roads
the outback’s rough as guts
ever tried to take a nap
in a moving truck?

Mine site in the desert
waiting for supplies
dusty, hot and buggered
we watch the boomgate rise

Then in we roll in hardhats
boots, long pants and shirts
the summer sun is blaring
we unload..and it hurts

Heading home at sundown
the sky puts on a show
pink cockatoos and kangaroos
the landscape all aglow

It’s then I am reminded
how much I love this life
the open road is magic
it’s worth the sacrifice

Mothertrucker signing off
beneath the northern sky
hope you had a great weekend
and really
So did I

….

Six Days On The Road (and I’m gonna have to kill my wife)

Well I’m a DILF on wheels
and I’m rollin outta Kewdale tonight
I got my Navman set,
but it never gets anything right

There’s a tosser trying hard to sound cool
on the radio
I think ‘What a tool’
but it won’t get me down
cos I’m getting outta Perth tonight!

Well I’m a little overweight
but that don’t mean I’m fat
my wife’s asleep
yeh she’s taking ANOTHER nap

Promised me she’d do half the work
that’s another job she’s willing to shirk
I’d like to trade her in
for a woman who won’t talk back!

Well me log books fudged
And I’m missing a back tail light
And this load can’t wait
Gotta be there by tomorrow night

But she’s getting the camera out
And she never stops yelling out
‘Hey slow down, there’s an emu
and I wanna get this picture just right’

Well me cabs a bloody mess
Cos she never stops buying snacks
She’s wearing my clothes
and she never gives anything back

I dunno why I chose this life
Should a packed a two edged knife
Six days on the road
And I’m gonna have to kill my wife

(For my long suffering hubby – whom I drive batty)