Kisses xxxxx

I adore him

I adore him

I will shower you with kisses
when inside your world goes dark
I know I’m just your Mrs
I can’t fill the missing part

All the damage had been done
long before I came along

Your mother was a mistress and your father did her wrong

So I’ll shower you in kisses
make you something good to eat
I will comfort you in sickness
life can be so bittersweet

Never feel the isolation that you felt so long ago
feel my love and admiration
feel it everywhere you go

All your memories – a blur
there’s no photographs of you
A dirty little secret
God the pain that you’ve lived through
Just abandoned as a baby
no one soothing you to sleep
It’s those little interactions, that can make a child complete

So I smother you in kisses
like your mother should have done
I may only be your Mrs
but I’m also someone’s mum
and no way in hell would I be up and leaving my own son
you’ll be smothered with my kisses
You’ll be loved by everyone

…..

I see a hero

images-7

She, never came back

Left him with four kids
..and a mortgage

She never cared that
it was all they had
She said ‘Sell the house’
’cause I want my share
from this marriage’

He struggled through the pain
drove him half insane
had to start again

..with his offspring

Breaking down car
a fridge on the blink
bills never ending
and no time to think

Up packing lunches
waking four sleepy heads
Then working full time
so they all got fed

Four little tearaway’s
running down the beach
sun streaked hair
and a surfboard each
Sure they were feral
with their mother gone
but when he played guitar
they’d all sing along

Time heals wounds
and a sense of humour helps
the best gift he shared with them
was ‘laugh at yourself’

Now his four grown kids
share the stories of their youth
touching and hilarious
and every one is proof
that what he gave was everything
to get them here today
A hero in my eyes is he
though wrinkled, old and grey

That November

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That November..

when we searched
for my name on a mug in Paris

A saxaphone delighted our souls on the metro

Under the stars we strolled along the canal
whilst indulging views of the Eiffel tower, lit up like a Christmas tree…

Where we drank the richest hot chocolate

Enjoyed a huge pizza in Provins
then climbed the city walls

Where we joined an anti war protest in Belgium
-admiring the camaraderie of her youth and their ‘live and let live’ attitude

Where we sat in a restaurant in Ghent and watched local children perform in the square

Where we spent a glorious autumn day in Bruges

The Grand Palace in Brussels, made us feel caught up in a fairytale.

Where Christmas markets decorated the streets
and the scent of cinnamon and cloves warmed our nostrils

Where we opened a door onto a balcony and were wowed by views of that city in Germany

Warm waffles, crepes and churros…
Chocolates and curry wurst, bratwurst and beer..
Ice rinks and chestnut trees covered in lights
Gloves, beanies, and a taste of hot egg nog

That November

2014

Broken veins and promises

images-17

Did someone cut you to the core
in that psyche ward corridor
left you bleeding on the floor
bandaged wrists, still red and raw

Victim of my indecision
lover of my half arsed vision
you said that you were meant for me
but I’m your biggest enemy

Broken veins and promises
can teach us many things
like never grip onto a heart
that needs to spread it’s wings ….

With shaking hands, I called your mum and dad
his eyes were red from crying
and your mum was bloody mad
Awkward and confused I felt so bad
the whole thing seemed surreal and very sad

Crippling as it was to let you go..
curled up in a fetal pose
-it broke my heart, you know

I left you in that cold white bed
walked the streets to clear my head
thanked the lord that you weren’t dead
then headed to the scene of dread

The empty bottles kind of said it all
when I let myself in your front door
blood was on the wall and down the hall
but most of it was on your bathroom floor

I scrubbed and washed all evidence away
I thought ‘your parents don’t need this today’
I left a letter trying to convey
‘how sad I was that things turned out this way’

….
This poem lacks my usual rhythm and balance, like my life did back then.

RUN

Please don’t try to hide it
you can’t hide it anymore
I know what you’re going through
I’ve lived your life before
seen those marks a hundred times
so yeah, I know the score
Girl, I want to help you
cause that’s what good friends are for

Maybe you can change him?
Well, I guess that much is true
but Honey, you can’t change him
like the way he’s changing you!

Don’t give me excuses
don’t you think I know the signs
don’t you think I know you stay
and pray for those good times

Hey, you don’t have to listen
to a word I have to say
maybe I should find the strength
to look the other way
maybe if I didn’t care
when all was said and done
you’d be on your own my friend
with nowhere left to run!images-20

….

Humble

You say you like the top end
the best that life can give
and god knows you have everything
you sure know how to live

You drink the finest vintage
rub shoulders with the rich
and I might be impressed by you
if you weren’t such a bitch

I’d love to see you humble
not looking down your nose
not bragging about what you have
not showing off your clothes

I’d love to see you honest
not bursting out hot air
I’m sure you can do anything
except be humble yeah?

You say that people cancel
when you invite them round
and how you never hear from them
(You probably put them down)

It’s clear you think you’re better
from all the things you say
and people don’t know what to think
so they just stay away

I’d love to see you humbled
and acting down to earth
Cause money doesn’t make you rich
it clearly makes you worse

I couldn’t afford you

I only embarrassed myself
with my sketches
and jars on my shelf
you were kind to be cool
didn’t call me a fool
but your eyes gave away something else

I couldn’t afford you
you know I adored you
but I can’t afford all the pain
I couldn’t be more true
but that wouldn’t hold you
I couldn’t pretend we’re the same

I only desired a kiss
a piece of your smile..to miss
You didn’t move closer
I felt like a failure
I’m glad now I didn’t insist

I couldn’t afford you
I’d like to applaud you
for smoothly extracting yourself
your smile was distant
and slightly resistant
your eyes gave away something else

Like a rainbow that’s fading away
perhaps you’ll come back here one day
when dreams let you down
you’ll come back to this town
but I won’t be looking your way